In an Uncontroversial Decision, A Texas Man is sentenced to death for wearing socks with sandals

In a uncontroversial decision by a judge in Texas, a man was sentenced to death row for the crime of wearing socks and sandals at the same time. This case is surprisingly not causing outrage from any civil rights groups or constitutional judges around the country.

James Marken, a 52-year-old father of three, and husband to Martha Marken, is the man that was sentenced earlier this week to death row by a judge in Dallas, Texas. In February, Marken was caught by his neighbor, while he grilled a couple of 12 ounce New York Strip Steaks; he was visibly wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and socks with sandals. That’s when his neighbor decided to call authorities who gladly took Marken to the local jail, and set his bail to $1 million.

“The horror I saw that fateful afternoon,” said Marken’s neighbor, who wants to remain anonymous. “My kids used to hang out with his kids. I used to come over. We used to drink beer. I never thought I was living next to a monster.”

Marken’s family is attempting to appeal this case to the US Supreme Court to try and overturn this ruling and save their family member. The road for them is tough since the majority of the Supreme Court suffers from extreme memory loss, and have 100 other constitutional cases to go through before they reach Marken’s case.

Two years ago, the state of Texas made it illegal to wear socks with sandals, defining the act as indecent exposure and a criminal offense. Texas has incarcerated over 500,000 people so far on their War on Socks and Sandals.

One proponent of the law, James McDonald, a retired lawyer, said that he doesn’t understand why people would want to risk their freedom and wear socks with sandals.

“I don’t understand. First of all, it’s not comfortable, and anyone who says it’s comfortable is lying. Your feet get sweaty under the socks, because of the direct sunlight that attacks your body,” said McDonald. Adding, “We need to protect people from themselves, and it starts with stopping these savages from wearing socks and sandals at the same time.”

Marken is surprisingly calm about being on death row, claiming that not being around his wife has led to some inner peace about his fate.

“I don’t know, man. It’s pretty peaceful. I feel like I’m grilling all the time now,” said Marken.

Marken’s family has 40 years to save him since the death row process is slow; he may be the first to go on death row for this crime, but he will not be the last, as the government continues it’s War on Socks and Sandals.

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