Florida man, Jonathon Tutsy, is currently under arrest for allegedly attempting to murder several Simulation Overlords while high on meth late Tuesday night. According to police, he charged them with a broken crack pipe.
“This was the first time our police department had received a call from the Overlords,” said Miami Police Chief James Markus during a press conference early Wednesday morning. Adding, “We are charging Mr. Tutsy for attempted murder, although the attempt occurred outside our reality.”
The police received the call around 11:30 p.m., Tuesday and were stunned to find that the Overlords were in trouble due to a Florida Man. According to the Miami police department, Tutsy mixed meth and seven other drugs. With the concoction, he was able to bend the reality that the Overlords have developed for us, and he stepped into their control room, where he proceeded to try to kill them.
The Overlords were at the press conference to remind humanity about the dangers of leaving the simulation. There were about six of them representing their godly race.
“We created this simulation for a reason, and when you step out of it, you destroy the project that we worked so hard to create,” said one Simulation Overlord who refers to himself as God #21. “We are going to wipe out all Florida men if they keep acting out like this.”
This wasn’t Tutsy’s first crime. Earlier this year, he stole meth from a dying Covid-19 Florida man patient who just wanted to have the sweet drug one more time before he passed. And last year, he flew over to Russia and tried to bomb them with their missiles; he also stole meth from a Russian man and attempted to bring it back to Florida.
The Police department hopes that the man gets life in prison for his crimes against humanity and the Overlords.
“Other Florida men fear him. He is too much for the Florida man who tried to feed meth to a squirrel,” said Markus during the press conference, “Our goal is to keep him locked up forever.”